If it wasn’t for Facebook I would be so lost on the goings on of the world. I learned this morning that yesterday was National Sibling Day in America. My response on Facebook to it was unusual: ”I have two confessions to make in light of today being Siblings Day. 1. I’m an incredibly jealous person. My eyes literally are green with envy at times. 2. None of my 3 brothers are friends with me on FB. I deleted them. Why?? Read #1.”
Though I have three brothers, I’m an only child. I think this is probably the first time I actually admitted that. Yeppers. I’m an only child. Sorta.
I got my two oldest brothers when I was 15. J was 10 and S was 6. Their dad asked out my foster mom and before we knew it we were one big, mostly happy family. I was in the foster care system at the time so my foster mom used to be my stepmom. Since no blood relatives stepped up to take me social workers went to the next row of available people and she was right there begging to get me. And she did . It wasn’t very long after that when their dad became my foster dad. Despite some family growing pains my brothers and I got along fabulously. But we never bonded like siblings should. They on the other hand have a very tight-knit bond. A bond that has no room for me.
They don’t even acknowledge that I am their sister outside of our family home. I went to my S’s wedding and the couple at the table asked how I knew the bride or groom. I mentioned that I was the grooms sister. She looked at me shocked and said, “Oh I had no idea. All we ever hear about it his big brother.” I wasn’t surprised but my heart was shattered.
I got my baby brother when I was 19. My biological father got my foster aunt pregnant. Yeah, don’t ask. Eight months after I had Matthew, I got my first blood brother. Well, half blood brother. His mom had 2 other kids. The three of them have a very tight bond. Once again no room for me no matter how hard I tried. Plus it’s hard to be a sibling when you’re a mom to a boy his age. Also, the state took me away from our bio dad for a very good reason. My baby brother idolizes our dad.
So this past winter when I was in a deep depression thanks to my PTSD, I took a hacksaw to my Facebook friends. I needed Facebook to be a happy safe comforting place. Seeing my siblings laugh joke and play with each other, while completely ignoring me, brought out the green monster. Jealousy sucks.
On a positive note: My parents picked me . I want to buy a t-shirt that says that and wear it to family events. hee hee. And this issue of being an only child with siblings also resonates well with Steve. Lucky for Steve though him and his sister have a great sibling bound though they were not raised together. Lucky. There goes my jealousy again.