It wasn’t a bad day but it wasn’t really a great day. I woke up with a screaming headache. For some reason if the tv is on all night I wake up with one. It’s not a good way to start a day. So I started out my morning moving pretty slow but the kids got ready and got off to school just fine. My hubby did pretty good today too. He had some bad days last week but is starting this week off okay.
I got to work and did some bonehead mistakes. Only I would spend half an hour doing something in order not to do something else, and then find out I had the whole thing wrong in my head and had to it anyway!! Then I filed to make the day go faster. I found some checks that a coworker had misplaced in my files. She had filed something else and the paper clip on the checks had stuck to it. Boy, she was a happy camper!!
Matthew’s teacher emailed me and I found out that the play he was to be in tomorrow night he really isn’t in. I was happy to hear that since I hadn’t really cared much about it. The last play he was in I lost him. I was furious. The play ended and all the kids starting rushing off the stage. Matthew was in the middle of it and he just follows the person in front of him. We finally found him once everyone cleared out…holding the principals hand. I was pissed. There is a ditch that runs right in front of the school that hadn’t been drained yet so I was thinking all kinds of horrible things. I’m not real fond of the principal so when she calmly told me that she had him the whole time all I wanted to do was punch her…and I’m not a violent woman. I saw him come off that stage so I know she was full of crap. So, I’m pretty happy he doesn’t have to be a part of the play tomorrow night.
I do have Rachel’s IEP tomorrow afternoon. I’m still not sure how it’s going to go. Usually, I have a feel for the meeting but I’m sorta not sure on this one. I do know that her father isn’t coming and he probably doesn’t even remember. He called about an hour ago and didn’t even mention it. He doesn’t care. I don’t even think he understands fragile X and he lived in a household with 2 kids that have it for 6 years!!
I’ve been dealing with a lot of depression lately that kind of worries me. I know that FX carriers have their own sort of issues. I got on Zoloft when Rachel’s dad left. I was having panic attacks in my sleep and I couldn’t stop crying. I got off of it a year ago because I felt my life had stabalized and I was okay. I’m second guessing that decision. In the course of a year Matthew’s dad officially dropped out of the picture, I got married, I gained two foster children then lost them when the state would no longer protect them, my husband developed a chronic illness, I started a new job, and now we’re attempting to become the custodial parents to my step-children due to DV issues in their home. Oh and I had surgery that knocked me on my butt for 2 or so weeks. There has been a few times this past month that I just feel so stinkin overwhelmed but all I have to do. I just don’t like living my life needing a drug to get by. I don’t know who ingrained that in my mind but it’s pretty solid and deep in my psyche. I know I probably should talk to my doc but I just don’t want to. How immature does that sound. X