Sally’s September Column

I’m dealing with being the brunt of a 15 year olds anger so I’m not real chatty today.  But luckily Sally sent her September column to the listserv.  So I’ll let her entertain you

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Some days are harder than others

by Sally Nantais, published September 2, 2007, The News-Herald

 

Austin, my teen-age son with fragile X and autism, and I were out shopping and while in the checkout line he began to head toward the path of a meltdown. 

 

Meltdowns aren’t easy but having them take place in a public place makes them that more difficult.

 

He had my head locked in his arms and he’s telling me how he’s going to hurt me.  All the while I’ve got my eyes closed (it helps to reduce his anxiety) and I’m trying to talk him down, bring him back around.

 

It’s a part of my life I’d rather not talk or write about, but life has taught me that often the right thing to do isn’t the easiest. More often than not, it’s difficult and awkward.

 

There are times we need to think of others first and not’s what easiest or more convenient for us. If my words may help one person realize they are not alone or change another person’s response, then they are words that should be written.

 

I’d rather not have anyone — family, friends or strangers — have to witness a meltdown. I worry about Austin ’s self-esteem and what others may think of him, not everyone may love him as unconditionally as his mother.

 

A stranger ahead of me, in that checkout line, offered me a few words that struck home loud and clear that day.

 

“Some days are harder than others.”

 

As she gathered her bags, ready to leave, she paused, placed her hand on my shoulder and said, “I hope your day gets better.”

 

All I offered in response were tears.   

 

It’s rare that I encounter someone so compassionate. It’s amazing that of all the checkout lines in the store that day I ended up in the line behind her.

 

I wonder how many others might have just walked away, ignored us as if we had the plague or said something to the effect of “Lady, why don’t you discipline your child? If he was my kid he wouldn’t act that way.”

 

Lately, we’ve had more than our fair share of hard days, I’ve spent more time then I’d like trying to prevent meltdowns or talk him down from one. 

 

On the other hand, I need to remember that some days are harder than others. Austin has accomplished a lot during the past month.

 

He went tubing at the lake which was awesome – especially if you witnessed how he trembled with fear just getting on or off the boat.

 

It was quite an accomplishment if you think about how much he had to keep in control because of the noise, the water movement and the waiting for his turn on the lake.

 

He participated in two research studies.

 

One was through Wayne State University in which we were both interviewed separately about children like Austin transitioning from adolescence to adulthood.

 

Naturally, his interview was much shorter than mine was but he did very well, in a strange place, with people he didn’t know.  When I gave him the $20 dollars we were offered for participating, he loudly proclaimed, “Cha- Ching!”

 

In the other study, through the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill , looking for possible genes related to autism via fragile X, his participation was donating blood samples.

 

There was a little anxiety once we got to the lab but once the initial poke was over he was very intrigued by his blood filling the tube.

 

He went to a community fair, rode various rides where sometimes we couldn’t tell if the look on his face was joy or terror, visited the farm animals and played and lost a few games.

 

He did all of this without incident.

 

I needed to be in that checkout line that day, I needed to be reminded that some days are harder than others, not just for me, but for Austin as well.

 

I wonder, if I was in the same situation what I would have done? 

 

What would you do? Would we have done the right thing or made a comment in a condescending tone?

 

What I can tell you from experience is a few kind words and a little compassion can make any hard day a little easier and a little better.