Math and I have never been friends. It all started in kindergarten. My 1’s looked like l’s. My 5’s looked like s’s. I wanted my 2’s to have the cool little loop on the base but the teacher wanted the straight line. And what is the big deal with the 0 and the o. A letter and a number should never look the same. It was just way too much for me.
It got a little bit better until 2nd grade when we learned time. First they tell me that a 1 is 
a 1 and now they tell me that a 1 is a 5. How does that work?? So, when I learned how it worked they decided to confuse me all over again, because now a 12 is not a 60, it is just a couple of 00’s (or is that oo’s). When I wrote that the clock said 12:60, my paper was the one that was used to show how wrong it was. Rude!! I still hate that teacher. Only class I ever got sent to the principal in.
Fifth grade was when I learned my brain was wired wrong. Math was a piece of cake in the beginning. I was whipping those figures out left and right. It was easy peasy. My teacher was so impressed that she put me in advanced math. I was on cloud nine. Then we started subtraction. My cloud evaporated. I was put back in regular math. My teacher was baffled. So was I.
All of my friends were in the advanced math so they were one math ahead of me for the next few years. I hated this. It made me feel dumb. Or at least dumber than them. But it could never make me feel as dumb as Algebra did in 9th grade. That rocked my world. Actually, it more fuzzed, than rocked. In high school, they don’t take the time to help you understand it. They leave you in the dust. Once I was completely covered in the dust and my mind was full of fuzz, my advanced friends ganged up on me. They unburied me and helped me to see the light through the fuzz. Once that light bulb turned on, I was back on my cloud.
My sophomore year I took two math classes to catch up to my friends: Geometry and Algebra II. If it wasn’t for my friends, I would have hated school that year, but I passed with A’s. My junior year I took trigonometry with my buds. It was great. I had a good instructor that took time before and after school to work with me. My senior year I signed up for Calculus with my friends. After the first month of that, I decided I made my point. I wasn’t dumb. I could do math. I dropped it and happily volunteered in the library.
I decided right after Matt was born to start college and major in accounting. It was all fun and games till we started working on stocks and bonds in Accounting II. At that same time I learned of Matt’s diagnosis. I decided this was God’s way of saying that he had better, brighter things for my future and accounting was not one of them.
As I learned more and more about fragile x, to help my son, I realized so much about myself. All of my struggles with math were part of being a fragile x carrier. I wasn’t crazy or dumb. I was just wired different than everyone else. And I’m glad I didn’t know I was wired different until that moment. I may not have had the ambition that I did in school. I may have used it as an excuse.
This whole story played out in my mind at 2 a.m. (or is that 1:60). I was dreaming of numbers. I realized when I woke up that my life is surrounded by numbers. I deal with them all day long. My favorite class this semester is actually math! It has structure and doesn’t change much. My fragilistic mind loves stuff that has structure and stays pretty consistent. Though if it wasn’t for calculators, I think I would be a dog walker or permanent baby sitter.
Oh and by the way, if anyone knows why my company’s bank account is off 2 cents this morning I’d love to know too. :)
Did you know that “they” think Einstein was autistic?? Check it out at this
link: Einstein Autistic
Posted by FXSmom
