My Darling Friend, please forgive this intrusion … but knowing your compassionate Heart, I am compelled to send this to you. Please read it, and follow your Heart’s leading. I have unwavering trust in that. I Love You, Your Servant, John-Michael
Oh my darlings, you sure know how to make a girl cry. I have just come home briefly to check in, there are too many messages to answer but I appreciate each and everyone one of then so very much.
Unfortunately, I have been given a bit of a bum steer in terms of Jack being able to stay in Hospice with me. That is actually not the case, apart from a night here and there, so the woman that told me it was possible has really got a lot to answer for as I pinned all my hopes on this. Anyway, Jacks Dad came down and can stay at my place this week at least but that’s it. After that who knows and yet they are saying I need to be in Hospice for a lot longer yet.
The pain last night, defied description I have never felt such pain in my life including child birth, I was a sobbing mess, eventually they had to knock me out and I finally got some rest. Anyway they are comparing scans and trying very hard to work out what is best to do. I know I desperately need chemo, the longer I go without it, the bigger the tumour is growing and pressing further on the nerves. So now not only do I have megga pain that is not responding to treatment, I have a child not welcome at Hospice and my life is completely screwed.
I spent the night in tears and most of the day too, I don’t have think I have any left but who knows, I will let you know how tonight goes. I am a broken woman.
There is talk about Jack having to move up with David to Warragul and change schools and everything. I said NO WAY I am not giving him up when I am not ready to die and I am not giving him up twice. I will work something out. There is no way he needs to go to another school, he needs the security of his local school here and his friends and having close contact with me.
Anyway my friends, it is a lot to contemplate tonight, I will do my best and I will not be letting my son go away from me no matter what. Please keep praying and sending me your love and care, I need you all so desperately right now. I hate to have to go, but I must leave now to go back to Hospice as they need to medicate me there, it is too dangerous to be on the medication I need to be on at home.
I will be thinking of you and I will post again either tomorrow or the next day, I promise.
Love to you all, my heart is full of you love and hugs to each and every one of you. Xxxx
posted by Jen Ballantyne at 18:40 on 9/04/2008 Thank you for sharing this. I can only imagine the sense of helplessness and loss she must be feeling right now.
And I wanted to thank you for your touching comments on my WW post. I’m glad my pictures could stir some special memories for you. That meant a lot to me to read that.
April 9, 2008 at 7:41 am
Thank goodness!
April 9, 2008 at 7:44 am
I guess these pictures will have to do for me for now. It’s so dang cold here still! I can’t wait for spring to really show up here.
April 9, 2008 at 7:57 am
Wow, beautiful flowers. May I ask where you were when you took the photo?
You can ask but I’ll never tell
April 9, 2008 at 9:25 am
love love love that first photo! what a great angle!
happy wednesday
April 9, 2008 at 10:06 am
We’re waiting for the signs of spring here in Waterloo. I haven’t seen any yet…
Happy WW!
My post: “Dressed to kill”
April 9, 2008 at 10:44 am
Lovely! Look at the picture whenever you think of the ultra-sound tech…
April 9, 2008 at 11:10 am
what beautiful shots! I love them
April 9, 2008 at 11:11 am
My Darling Friend, please forgive this intrusion … but knowing your compassionate Heart, I am compelled to send this to you. Please read it, and follow your Heart’s leading. I have unwavering trust in that. I Love You, Your Servant, John-Michael
Oh my darlings, you sure know how to make a girl cry. I have just come home briefly to check in, there are too many messages to answer but I appreciate each and everyone one of then so very much.
Unfortunately, I have been given a bit of a bum steer in terms of Jack being able to stay in Hospice with me. That is actually not the case, apart from a night here and there, so the woman that told me it was possible has really got a lot to answer for as I pinned all my hopes on this. Anyway, Jacks Dad came down and can stay at my place this week at least but that’s it. After that who knows and yet they are saying I need to be in Hospice for a lot longer yet.
The pain last night, defied description I have never felt such pain in my life including child birth, I was a sobbing mess, eventually they had to knock me out and I finally got some rest. Anyway they are comparing scans and trying very hard to work out what is best to do. I know I desperately need chemo, the longer I go without it, the bigger the tumour is growing and pressing further on the nerves. So now not only do I have megga pain that is not responding to treatment, I have a child not welcome at Hospice and my life is completely screwed.
I spent the night in tears and most of the day too, I don’t have think I have any left but who knows, I will let you know how tonight goes. I am a broken woman.
There is talk about Jack having to move up with David to Warragul and change schools and everything. I said NO WAY I am not giving him up when I am not ready to die and I am not giving him up twice. I will work something out. There is no way he needs to go to another school, he needs the security of his local school here and his friends and having close contact with me.
Anyway my friends, it is a lot to contemplate tonight, I will do my best and I will not be letting my son go away from me no matter what. Please keep praying and sending me your love and care, I need you all so desperately right now. I hate to have to go, but I must leave now to go back to Hospice as they need to medicate me there, it is too dangerous to be on the medication I need to be on at home.
I will be thinking of you and I will post again either tomorrow or the next day, I promise.
Love to you all, my heart is full of you love and hugs to each and every one of you. Xxxx
posted by Jen Ballantyne at 18:40 on 9/04/2008
Thank you for sharing this. I can only imagine the sense of helplessness and loss she must be feeling right now.
April 9, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Those pics make me feel warm as it’s almost winter here in the Sth Hemi. It’s cold & raining this morning
April 9, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Embrace this beautiful Spring
Feel better soon!!
April 9, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Lovely images. Thanks for sharing them.
And I wanted to thank you for your touching comments on my WW post. I’m glad my pictures could stir some special memories for you. That meant a lot to me to read that.
April 9, 2008 at 11:21 pm
I’m so excited for spring!
April 10, 2008 at 7:01 am
spring is indeed here. enjoy it!
c”,) Morning Sniffles
April 10, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Pretty! Love the birdies too!