Sooo….

I’m good about starting sentences this way, I figured it was time to start a post that way too.

First off:  Note to self – never get bad news when I forget to take my anti-depressants.

So I’m better today.  I choked back tears in the doctors office.  Mainly out of frustration over the whole situation and I try to be supermom and superwife.  I held back tears on the 45 minute drive back home.  Once I got home I forced myself to eat.  Then I laid down to take a nap.  I may have slept 30 minutes and stared at the wall for about 180.  I was in a major funk.

I tried calling my highly irresponsible flighty mother.  No matter how bad my mom is for some darn reason I always need her when I’m low.  Couldn’t find her anywhere.  Tried every number imaginable. 

It finally dawned on me later in the afternoon I hadn’t taken my Zoloft the night before.  Go me!  I took it and though the anger and disappointment are still there the funk is gone.  Of course, then my mom calls me.  She likes to live in denial.  I like to live in reality.  Denial land and reality land tend to clash.  It was a short conversation.  My mother-in-law also lives in reality.  We had a 90 minute talk this morning. 

Ya know the saying that it takes a village to raise a child.  Well, my interpretation of that is that it takes a village to raise a child because no parent is good at everything.  My mother wasn’t good at many mother things.  Still isn’t.  But when I’m in tears, she can be there for a good hug.  And then she tries to get me to laugh.  And she can cook a mean meal.  As for the rest of the mom stuff, well, there was a village out there that took care of it.

Back to the surgery though.  Well, honestly I don’t want to talk about the surgery.  No, I’m not in denial.  I’m in avoidance.  I know it will be here before I know it.  I have had two surgeries in the past year in the same area.  I know what to expect.  I know what the odds are.  I know that it’s going to suck afterwards and then I’ll pray that this procedure will help.  My house is going to look like a whirlwind hit it.  My kids will take advantage of the situation.  My husband will feel bad because he won’t get to be by my side every second.  My mother won’t be around.  Such is life