come on already

Ya know how when you injure a part of your body it seems like every time you turn around you bump that same darn sore spot. 

Well, I’m dealing with that kind of thing but in a slightly different way.  With my ovaries removed my body is no longer making the essential hormones that I need.  So I’m on an estrogen patch.  But with all new meds it takes a while to get into the system.

So my emotions are kind of roller coasting.  I’m trying to handle it but I feel like I have little control.

So what happens??  Everyone is bringing their grouchiness and drama my way and I get pinned as the evil beast.  Yesterday, Kevin came home grumpy and grouched at me.  When I went to defend myself it ended up being a war.  Lauren didn’t help. I had to leave just to get myself under control.  Normally, it would have been no big deal.  But my emotions are insane.

Then this morning Lauren brought her drama my way.  Kevin plans to take Lauren, Austin and Brandon to see a scary movie.  Kevin isn’t sure if he is going to take them today or tomorrow.  Rachel comes home today.  Lauren is being all dramatic because she thinks that if Rachel is home Kevin is going to let her go and they won’t get to see the same movie.  She tried to make it into a thing where Rachel gets anything she wants and Lauren gets crapped on.  That is sooo not true.  We do our best to keep it all even with all the kids.  With 4 kids we can’t keep them all happy but we do our best to keep it even.  I felt the rage bubbling up again.  This time I can’t run away so I was thankful when she realized that I was about to yell.  I HATE to yell.  I was yelled at my entire childhood.  She went to her room and I had Kevin speak with her on it.

I know this blended family stuff isn’t easy.  But do the issues with it have to come up THIS week. 

And to top the whole heap off, Lauren thinks I’m dumb when I’m on pain meds.  So I’m being argued with every time I open my mouth. Just give me the padded room now please.

Sooo lonely

Poor Matty.  He is having a tough time this weekend.  Rachel’s dad didn’t get her last weekend so I swapped weekends with him.  Usually when Matt goes away on his weekends, Rachel does too.  But Matty is here all on his own this weekend.  Matty and Rachel share a bedroom.  She can sleep through him talking and rolling around.  And he can sleep through her grating her teeth and having her random nightmares.

It was almost 9 p.m. when I told Matty it was time to head to bed.  Kevin volunteered to tuck him in since I can’t bend down too well.  Kevin didn’t come back right away.  After about 3 minutes I started wondering if something was wrong.  Then I heard Kevin calling my name.  I went in there to see Kevin pinned to the bed.  My 4′10″  65 lb son had my 6′2″ 190 lb husband pinned to the bed.  Matty had Kevin in what we call the “monkey death grip.”  Matty wraps his arms around Kevin’s neck and will not let go.  And if someone tries to pull him off he involves the legs too. 

Kevin asked him if he was tired and he told him no.  So he asked him if he was mad and he said, “Yeah.”  Kevin realized then that Matty didn’t want to go to bed in his own room.  He didn’t like the idea of Rachel not being in there too.  So Kevin got him out of bed and let him come lay next to me.  We were about to watch the first National Treasure so we told him he could hang out with us and watch the movie. 

It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep.  But every once in a while he would wake up a little and whisper, “Rachel.”  It just broke my heart.

After the movie Kevin was finally able to put him in his own bed.  Normally we would have just let him sleep in our bed, but with me just having surgery we didn’t want to risk him hurting me.  I’m sure at the crack of dawn he will be up and right back to our bed.  Thankfully, Rachel will be home tomorrow.