Disappointment in Myself

There are times that I hate myself and my fragile x.  Yes, I own it.  Just like I own my psoriasis and every other malfunctioned thing about me.  I can’t balance a checkbook.  Not in the traditional sense.  Even with a calculator I can’t get it right.  So I use an Excel spreadsheet. Which is on my computer…at home. 

When I spend a day of shopping I have to use Math in my head and estimate.  About every six months or so I calculate wrongly.  Today was one of those days.  I had an extra couple hundred from a refund check from our state.  I thought, “Finally, this is my chance to get this family a smidge ahead.”  I picked up my prescription from Walgreens.  I washed the van.  I got it serviced.  I paid a bill at the docs office.  I got $10 for Matt’s field trip.  I then went to Walmart. 

This is where it went to shit.  I’m still in the get my family ahead mode.  I think it’s because I feel guilty because it is my fault they are behind.  If I hadn’t had all the surgeries just to cure some ovarian cysts we would at least still have savings.  I left spending $100 more than I had wanted.  Meat did it.  I’m used to a freezer stocked full of meat for our evening meals.  It put me over.   After balancing my account with my spreadsheet I’m short $88. Kevin only has $75 in his account. 

And to add the cherry on top of the mess, the van won’t start.  Our only mode of transportation is dead due to either a battery or alternator issue. Nothing like a Monday.